In My Head?

          It's a funny thing studying social sciences, you start to look at everything very differently. When I started studying sociology it was so strange. It was like I was looking at the world and society for the first time properly. That sounds weird because even I know that the things I have learned is not even scratching the surface of what there is to know. But with psychology it was like I opened up my mind hole and was hit in the face by possibilities and questions. The most frustrating thing about psychology, as with all the social sciences, is also the most intriguing - there is no correct or incorrect answer.

          Ever since I was told I needed the operation and my valve is leaking I keep having worrying pain. Now I don't know if I am actually in pain that I would usually ignore and I'm just taking notice of it because I am aware of what is going on in my body or if I'm not in pain at all and my anxiety means I am inventing pain.

          So, is it all in my head or am I actually in pain? Should I be brushing it off like I am or should I be alerting someone to it? I have been telling myself that if I was in a life threatening stage she would not have let me out of that hospital or I would have heard by now since it has been a week and I haven't even had my summary letter yet that I received after every check-up appointment.

          I was talking to my Mum in the car on the way back from Ikea and I said to her "Am I ill?" Maybe I should try to clarify what I mean. I was born with a heart condition and I was an ill child but since my last operation I would consider myself well. Even though I was taking medication to stop fits etc. I'd say since my operation made it possible for me to walk around with a heart functioning pretty much as everyone else's I was well. Before those operations I would consider myself ill. So, now I have a leaking valve and in need of an operation, am I ill?

          I should really ask someone...