Sinking In.
I'm kind of adjusting to the idea now, I still nervous and feel sick and have a million questions but I think I have gotten over the shock. I felt like I had this massive shock and I think the most unsettling thing was that I had gotten that news and didn't know what to do with it. I felt like I should have been acting on it in some way. I was in a lull because there was the tonne of bricks just fell on my and I was just supposed to be aware of them but change nothing.
I suppose I'm not exactly explaining this very well but what I mean is I was told I would need open heart surgery and nothing else. I didn't need to phone someone to arrange something, I wasn't supposed to change my diet or exercise more/less, I wasn't to drop out of college I wasn't even to fill in a form or survey. I was just to go home, get on with life and wait. And to be fair the way the doctor said it didn't exactly lessen the shock, I know it's not exactly like I've been told I have cancer or something but she says to me I need open heart surgery and then "Some people do die." I just looked up at her. She doesn't exactly have tact. It wasn't like she got me into her room and broke the news and explained everything she said it while I was in the middle of an Echo then fucked off. All with a smile. So I think I had every right to go into shock.
Anyway, it's done now. Now I just have to concentrate on not letting everything get on top of me and think more carefully now. I thought and acted like any other person other than I can't eat/drink certain things, I can't smoke, I can't run for buses... Actually I can't run at all. So the only real effects I've had on me so far is that I have to be careful of things like caffeine drinks, medicines, and leaving early for the bus so I don't miss it because I can't run after it. And even though I'm claustrophobic I take lifts where possible. Now? I suppose I should be more careful but that is exactly my point, I have no clue if I should be more careful. I don't have a single clue. Oh well, living on the edge.
As I write this I should be doing coursework and cleaning but I really can't be bothered. Ugh, it'll have to get done though. So that was just a quick update just now.....
I suppose I'm not exactly explaining this very well but what I mean is I was told I would need open heart surgery and nothing else. I didn't need to phone someone to arrange something, I wasn't supposed to change my diet or exercise more/less, I wasn't to drop out of college I wasn't even to fill in a form or survey. I was just to go home, get on with life and wait. And to be fair the way the doctor said it didn't exactly lessen the shock, I know it's not exactly like I've been told I have cancer or something but she says to me I need open heart surgery and then "Some people do die." I just looked up at her. She doesn't exactly have tact. It wasn't like she got me into her room and broke the news and explained everything she said it while I was in the middle of an Echo then fucked off. All with a smile. So I think I had every right to go into shock.
Anyway, it's done now. Now I just have to concentrate on not letting everything get on top of me and think more carefully now. I thought and acted like any other person other than I can't eat/drink certain things, I can't smoke, I can't run for buses... Actually I can't run at all. So the only real effects I've had on me so far is that I have to be careful of things like caffeine drinks, medicines, and leaving early for the bus so I don't miss it because I can't run after it. And even though I'm claustrophobic I take lifts where possible. Now? I suppose I should be more careful but that is exactly my point, I have no clue if I should be more careful. I don't have a single clue. Oh well, living on the edge.
As I write this I should be doing coursework and cleaning but I really can't be bothered. Ugh, it'll have to get done though. So that was just a quick update just now.....
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