Every Time.

          Every time I try to better myself stuff gets in the way. I did my PDA for classroom learning assistant and support for learning assistant but I couldn't physically hack it. I did my open learning course and the tutor was being a cow. I did my HIPS class and Hello Insomnia. I had a fucking awful year that year. Truly, truly awful. I started off with like five subjects and came away with a C in English and an A in intermediate 2 psychology. Just like high school when I had a break down, started off with five highers and came away with a D in higher English and a B in intermediate 2 biology.

          Then last year I did that prep for HNC course and came away with 2 Bs in sociology and psychology higher, god knows why but for a whole week I revised from 9 until 11/12 at night. I had boards of revision notes I had rhymes to remind me and I nearly lost my voice from recording myself reciting my notes and I would listen to them going to sleep, in between revision with the tv on mute with subtitles. It was ridiculous and still only got Bs.

          Now? Fucking now? Well I really REALLY think I just shouldn't bother attempting anything. I can't even write down homework properly. I have about 5 assessments to do in 3 weeks, along with other homework and a very very bad psychology lecturer and I can't even get the homework written down properly.

          I swear I fucking give up. 100%. I really do not even have any faith in myself anymore. I can't be a police officer because I am physically just fucked. I can't do anything academic because I have no fucking brain. And I'm hardly going to get by on my looks haha.

          I feel like my whole world is designed to crumble around my every time I try to do anything. Well, it's bloody working.