A Watched Pot Never Boils...
11/02/14 - Exactly a month until my pre-assessment for my operation, that's four weeks or twenty-eight days or six hundred and seventy-two hours or forty thousand, three hundred and twenty minutes or two million, four hundred and nineteen thousand two hundred seconds. Not that I'm counting.
I know everyone that knows me will be rolling their eyes at this bit but I can't help but think of the second episode of series 3 of Sherlock. Sherlock has all of John's wedding planned to a tee and Mary says to John, "Right, you know when you're scared of something, you start wishing it sooner just to get it all going? That's what he's doing." And ever since she said that I've been wondering if that's what I'm doing.
And maybe it is, I'm not scared of it at all. I'm probably the least scared out of everybody considering what will happen and what could happen. It's open-heart surgery. It's not exactly a flu jag but while I'm not scared I am wishing it sooner. I can't tell you why because I don't really know. I know the possible outcomes of all of this, the most sobering being that I could die and that would suck but in all honesty I just want to get on with my life.
You all ask me "When are you going to publish your books, I want to read them?" And I honestly ask myself that every morning. I'm on disability living allowance due to my condition and as a result of the level of it I'm on I'm not allowed a job as well (although I know some people are but they are on lower level) and publishing counts as an income. So, I would need to give up the benefits and get a job before I could legally publish and to do that I need the physical ability to have a job.
The operation brings with it a very real possibility of death but what makes me wish it closer is that it brings with it the very real certainty of the birth of a new life.
I've been writing a lot of fan fiction lately because I get feedback on my writing skills - structure and wording etc - and once I've finished the one I'm on right now I'll be back to Book 3. I still need to edit Book 2 and add a few finishing touches to Book 1 - "Leonard." - on top of all of that I have six more ideas for books on their 'working out a rough plot' phase. And there is a lot of stages after that before I get to the writing bit.
Believe me, I am far too busy to be going anywhere. I don't even wish it was March now, I wish it was past that. Over and done with.
In the beautiful words of Colin Hay:
Don't you understand? I already have a plan. I'm waiting for my real life to begin...
I know everyone that knows me will be rolling their eyes at this bit but I can't help but think of the second episode of series 3 of Sherlock. Sherlock has all of John's wedding planned to a tee and Mary says to John, "Right, you know when you're scared of something, you start wishing it sooner just to get it all going? That's what he's doing." And ever since she said that I've been wondering if that's what I'm doing.
And maybe it is, I'm not scared of it at all. I'm probably the least scared out of everybody considering what will happen and what could happen. It's open-heart surgery. It's not exactly a flu jag but while I'm not scared I am wishing it sooner. I can't tell you why because I don't really know. I know the possible outcomes of all of this, the most sobering being that I could die and that would suck but in all honesty I just want to get on with my life.
You all ask me "When are you going to publish your books, I want to read them?" And I honestly ask myself that every morning. I'm on disability living allowance due to my condition and as a result of the level of it I'm on I'm not allowed a job as well (although I know some people are but they are on lower level) and publishing counts as an income. So, I would need to give up the benefits and get a job before I could legally publish and to do that I need the physical ability to have a job.
The operation brings with it a very real possibility of death but what makes me wish it closer is that it brings with it the very real certainty of the birth of a new life.
I've been writing a lot of fan fiction lately because I get feedback on my writing skills - structure and wording etc - and once I've finished the one I'm on right now I'll be back to Book 3. I still need to edit Book 2 and add a few finishing touches to Book 1 - "Leonard." - on top of all of that I have six more ideas for books on their 'working out a rough plot' phase. And there is a lot of stages after that before I get to the writing bit.
Believe me, I am far too busy to be going anywhere. I don't even wish it was March now, I wish it was past that. Over and done with.
In the beautiful words of Colin Hay:
Don't you understand? I already have a plan. I'm waiting for my real life to begin...
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